How to Turn Your Fear into Fierce
Hey there, Wonder Woman!!
So – how’s it going with your newly recognized superpower?
Have you been watching your thoughts this week? Your language?
How often have you caught yourself saying, “I can’t….” or “I’ll never…”?
I hope you’ve NOTICED these powerful little phrases. And I hope you’ve stopped yourself right smack dab in the middle of them – and CHANGED them. Because, as I explained last week, your words, thoughts, and beliefs create your reality.
So why not create the reality you want?
Now – let’s move on!
First – I want you to notice something:
- When I just say the word “fear”, what comes up for you?
- What do you feel – right now – in your body?
- Is there a tingling or some tension somewhere?
- Do you hold your breath just a second?
- Perhaps you feel a little chilly, or just a hint of a stomach ache. :(
I feel myself turning away, or shrinking a little – as if I want to move away from (run from) something uncomfortable. It’s a feeling of contracting, of pulling within.
Ugh.
Some fear is protective. It’s a healthy part of ourselves that sounds the alarms when we need them, to alert us to dangers or troubles we need to avoid.
And some fear is preventative. It keeps us from the learning, growth, mistakes and success we need as well – like a well-meaning but over-protective parent.
The trick is to listen to the first kind, and sneak past the second. :)
So here’s how to do that, so you can turn your fear into fierce.
(As any Wonder Woman would do!)
#1. NAME IT.
If I asked you what you’re afraid of, half the time you wouldn’t be able to tell me.
I see this with my clients all the time. Especially when we’re about to step up in the world in some important way, we have a sense of fear, but it’s vague, abstract, undefined.
Naming that fear, figuring out what it is that you are really afraid of, shrinks it back down to size. Often, those fears fall into some common categories.
Here are 3 of the biggies.
a. RISK
Sometimes we get what I call the “What If’s, Uh Oh’s & Oh No’s”. If there are risks involved, what are they? How realistic are those risks?
“If you see ten troubles coming down the road,
you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch
before they reach you.” -Calvin Coolidge
b. MISTAKES
Sophia Loren said: “Mistakes are the price we pay for living a full life.” If the name of your fear is “I might make a mistake” – then I say, Wonderful! Celebrate that! Hold on to your sense of humor. Integrate mistakes into your life as part of your wisdom work.
Heck, I try to make at least one mistake a day whether I need it or not!
c. SUCCESS
“Oh my gosh what if I really can do this… what if I am truly capable of doing what I really want to do?”
Half that time this is the Real Deal. And we could talk about this all day. For now, let me simply challenge you to OWN your success, even if it’s scary.
Because the world needs you
to bring your best to the table, girlfriend.
#2. FACE IT.
So much of fear is about avoiding a decision.
And avoiding a decision feeds the Fear Monster.
So ask yourself these 4 questions.
– What’s the WORST thing that could happen?
– What’s the BEST thing that could happen?
– What’s most LIKELY to happen?
– And can I handle it either way?
Now — knowing you’ve thought this through…
Make your Decision.
Then Act.
And don’t look back.
#3. BEAT IT.
As I often say, “Sometimes you just gotta hold your nose and jump!” As a life and business coach, I help women turn the Courage they already have (you have it too, you know) into the Confidence they’ve always wanted.
And the Number One Way they do that
is by doing the very thing that scares them the most.
In fact, that’s why women love coming on my Secret Adventures, where we head out to try things many of us might never try on our own. It doesn’t even matter what we’re doing half the time.
It’s the simple power of stepping into the unknown that does it.
DOING what you (think you) can’t.
Builds confidence. Beats fear.
Every time. :))
#4. EMBRACE IT.
And then sometimes, fear is a gift that we need to accept.
It may be that your fear is doing its job, warning you about something important. By all means, if your internal guidance system is all lit up with flashing red alerts, then proceed with caution!
But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is to simply recognize it, honor it and respect it.
“I see you sittin’ over there, Fear. I’m know you’re trying to protect me, and I appreciate it, but I’m going to be fine this time. Really. So relax a little, okay? Get some rest – and try not to work so hard. I got this. :)”
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I once watched a 14 year old boy standing
with his back to the edge of a cliff.
Shivering.
He was completely, properly and safely tied in to a climbing harness, listening intently to the tall, soft-spoken man inches in front of him, who gently talked him through what to do. One tear slipped down the left side of his boyish face, and I could see his legs trembling through his baggy, bad-boy jeans.
It took a long time before he reached deep enough to find the Courage to back up – trusting the man in front of him, leaning, working the ropes the way he was taught. Holding his feet just so, he eased himself backwards – out, over and down, the wall of rock.
Several tense moments passed, as he dropped from sight, and the rope fed slowly out the man’s hands. And then….it came.
A deep-bellied, full-throated, all-powerful teen-boy YELL that danced across the tops of the trees and echoed back up to us.
“WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Did you SEE me? Did you SEE that? Did you SEE what I did??? YeeeeeHAAA, my friends!!! LOOK at what I DID!!! WHOOOOHOOO!!!”
He was off the rope and at the bottom of the canyon in under three minutes.
I don’t think his feet touched the ground for days.
THAT’s how it works. :))
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Whether it’s easing down a cliff, volunteering to lead a project, or asking your boss for a raise.
Name it. Face it.
Beat It. Embrace it.
And you’ll build your personal power every step of the way.